Breakup Etiquette: Should you return gifts from your ex
I once gave back a wedding ring. So, I will not call it a gift. It was more like giving back something from my ex. But the ring was mine. You see the confusion? One of the first things I thought about soon as the wedding was cancelled, was the wedding ring. I did not want to give back the ring because I had heard from other ex-couples and had seen many stories on tv that the ring is yours. It is a gift! But my story was different. I owned 50 percent of that ring. When it comes to breakup etiquette, would you return gifts from ex?
Backstory of the wedding ring
He first presented me with a cute engagement ring and the whole proposal was romantic. So, we decided that he would buy his own wedding ring and we would go 50/50 on my wedding ring because it was a bit pricy. I agreed. If you think that it was weird that I was buying my own wedding ring, keep in mind that at the time I did not find it strange.
But my friends thought it was weird that I was ‘buying’ my own wedding ring. Looking back, I feel like something I would have been more comfortable with was us buying each other’s wedding rings. I feel like that is something I would appreciate even now.
Anyway… so when the pre-marriage dissipated, he asked for his share of the ring. Since the ring was purchased in my name, it was my ‘duty’ to take it back to American Swiss and get the refund. I finally took it to the jewelry store, and we divided the money equally and that was the last I heard of him and that stupid but beautiful ring
Walking home with just a bra and panty
And that is the reason why I do not allow men to buy me very expensive presents. Because when the time comes for us to separate, some people ask for their stuff back and if you do not give them back, they can get abusive or violent. Some men do not have an issue with you keeping the stuff they got for you. But if Instagram is any measure or indication of how relationships die and what lengths people will go to to embarrass you because they are hurt, that alone will make you think twice about receiving gifts from a lover
I have seen that some heartbroken dudes will go to the extent of following you to a public place then ask for the shoes and clothes on your back that they had previously purchased for you. Embarrassing. And some of those poor ladies ‘walk home’ with just a bra and panty.
Do you delete pictures taken with your ex?
I personally delete images taken with my exes because
- I am trying to heal
- The next person might think I am not over my ex
- If the breakup was hurtful, he does not deserve to be occupying any space in my heart or hard drive.
- Unless he died, he does not need to be remembered.
Breakup etiquette: You can absolutely ask and expect to get “your” items back if you are prepared to return “theirs”. Stuff that are “ours” are much trickier to return or even keep. Items jointly purchased or used items can cause a lot of drama so it is best to not let your emotions override your practicality. Those items should go to the person who is going to use it the most or best and has the capacity to do so. (But how many of us are thinking about the other person or who needs this item more, when we break up?)
It would be a shame to take the Braai stand out of spite if it is only going to sit in storage. Lol But taking the braai stand out of spite is what most of us would do. Lol do better people.
As for gifts, Judge Judy always rules that gifts do not need to be returned and that stands here with one exception: family heirlooms that were given with the perception or assumption that the relationship will continue way after the fluffy honeymoon girlfriend/ boyfriend stage. Things like your grandmother’s wedding ring should be given back. A lot of people like to force-return a gift to make a statement and I know I can sometimes be very petty and when I say ‘a lot of people’ I’m actually just talking about myself…
As much fun as it appears to throw an expensive necklace back at my ex, I do not return small expensive gifts and I try not to return money. Lol if you ever lent me money, that money is never coming back (especially after a breakup) but that also depends on my ego. I would probably give the money back just to show you that I would rather be broke, in the streets and homeless before taking any of your blood money. lol
Short Story of pettiness, money and goodbyes to breakup etiquette
I dated a guy that lived in Melrose and he had given me some money prior to the breakup. And when the breakup happened I had forgotten a makeup bag and picnic basket at his place. So, I asked him to meet me halfway so he can give me back my things and guess what he said… Yep you guessed it. He said that he will only give me back my stuff if I give him back the money, he had given me. So, immediately when he said that – my things that were at his place became dead to me. The makeup kit was not even worth the money he was talking to me about. mxm
So, to throw an expensive necklace back at your ex? Maybe gift it to a friend or family member who would enjoy it – turning a negative into a positive is always the best option (said no one ever) #ChooseViolence