How to overcome Body shaming , work on your insecurities and feel sooo much better about yourself.
I recently read a quote by Maxwell Malts, ‘Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on.’ Now, if you have ever driven a car, you will know that driving with your handbrake on is virtually impossible. You don’t move, you don’t go anywhere; you stay on one position until the handbrake goes down. Growing up I had self-esteem issues which a lot of people didn’t know about because when they saw me, all they saw was a very bubbly, fun, social girl who loved life but depression and other life traumas will get you to a place where you start question who you really are and it then eventually leads to a break down.
For years I lived with the notion that my body wasn’t meant to be seen because it’s too sexy (body shaming), it’s too developed (body shaming), thighs too thick (body shaming) etc… My mom was the biggest leader in those kinds of ideas, bless her heart, she’s very conservative. I was always covered up. I’m the tallest at home among the girls; my brother is taller than all of us but, my shorter sisters where weirdly enough allowed to wear shorter dresses than me. Which wasn’t fair right? And my mom’s reasons were blunt: because you are taller, short dresses appear shorter.
Church life was almost the same… only difference was the motive on why I should cover up. ‘We don’t show our bodies because we don’t want to lead the weaker brethren to sin’, some elder would say. The Bible says if something causes you to sin… gauge it out… but… what the Bible left out is that if a person wants to sin, there is nothing you can do to stop them. So, let’s go back a little, if a man wants to rape, he will rape a child, a grandmothe, fully dressed women. It’s a person’s choice to sin; they don’t need your permission, nor your assistance. A man will undress you with his eyes while you fully dressed, in your church clothes, covered, and showing nothing but eyes. So… why cover up? For who?
Now, I have my own insecurities to deal with but the internet will add to those inner demons. Because I don’t look like the typical girl in a woman’s magazine I’m body shamed, side lined by brands as a blogger, told to cover up by guys in the streets, go spend more time in the gym they say, until all my confidence is down a toilet pipe.
Body shaming is the action or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size. Body Shaming; As long as you don’t fit in the bracket of looking like a super model, you can and will get body shamed.
Body shaming creates insecurities, insecurities creates low self-esteem. When I finally found myself and stopped caring about people’s opinions of me, I lived a better life. I stopped comparing myself to others thicker, skinnier, lighter, darker, taller or short than me. I just accepted myself for who I was, my flaws etc and acknowledged my insecurities and finally worked on them. I have a great ass (its bigger than it was last year lol ), a great body (it’s got a little extra meat here and there), a great personally (I’m not always happy), I have great skin (it has cellulite), I have great friends (they are not perfect) and I have a great family (still not perfect) and I am just simply great (my opinion, not yours)
You don’t know how far I have come to accepting myself and I will not be apologetic for speaking life into myself.
HOW TO OVERCOME BODY SHAMING, WORK ON YOUR INSECURITIES AND FEEL SOOO MUCH BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF
1. Believe you can love your body as it is: Can you honestly walk out the door wearing short shorts with your thighs full of cellulite and really NOT care what people will say? I found that hard, but everything starts from the inside. Believe you can love your body the way it is. Believe it is perfect. Once you have mastered that you will never care about what people will say because its your body and their opinions don’t matter.
2.Come out from hiding:If you feel shame about your body, you may find ways to hide yourself. Some people cover up with extra clothing, or sit in the back of a room full of people. If there’s a way you’re keeping yourself hidden, try pushing your comfort zone a little at a time. See what happens if you go outside with less coverage, even just for a short time. Take small steps, pay attention to how you feel, and see if you want to continue to move further and further out of your comfort zone. Baby steps
3. Consider that you’ve been wrong:It’s easy to confirm already solidified beliefs about yourself. The belief that your body is not good enough as it is feels like the truth, so it’s easy to find evidence in your day-to-day to confirm what you currently believe. Unless you intentionally open up to the possibility that you’ve been wrong about your body not being good enough as it is, no amount of body positive messages or positive self-talk will have a big impact on you.
4. Get to know your inner-bully:I know from others experience that being in an abusive relationship is toxic and has long term effects. Sometimes we’re unaware of what we’re doing to ourselves when we put ourselves down, in other words, abuse ourselves. But putting yourself down doesn’t serve you. In fact, it has the same devastating impact on you as someone else’s abuse has on you. it’s difficult to thrive or be happy and peaceful when you’re enduring abuse. When you can be kinder to yourself, you will feel better. Try standing naked in front of the mirror. Speak your negative thoughts out loud. Notice your tone of voice; pay attention to sensations in your body as you speak, and let yourself feel your feelings. As you get to know this inner-bully you’ve been spending so much time with, consider how devastating it is to be bullied so much. The more often you become aware that your inner-bully is present, the more you can decide not to entertain its harshness
5. Create an inner-supporter and have good friends: To create a strong inner-supportive self, you will have to create new language and repeat it, so that body positive, compassionate language eventually becomes automatic. Stand in front of the mirror and speak out loud what you want to believe about yourself. Use “I,” statements. You might sound like, “I am beautiful,” or, “I am strong,” or, “I am sexy.” It’s ok if you don’t believe these thoughts just yet. In fact, you probably won’t at first, so this should feel strange. But over time, the more you tell yourself things, the more you will believe them. The other way is to have great friends, once they knew I was doing this photoshoot they all gave me sooo much support, not even one put doubt s in my head, they all were on some, yassssssssssss girl, show that ass, give us more sass.
ALL IMAGES TAKEN BY QUEEN LINDA