I hear a lot of women from first world countries arguing about this. Shocked that it’s something people still argue about. Well… Is it about money? No!  Ladies in first world earning the same or equivalent money to working girls in the third world have different views. They both have money but one is more willing to pay for dinner than the other.

But I’m not talking about ALL of them. There is always an exception. Other girls want to pay for dinner to show him that she can look after herself and that she doesn’t need him to think he owns her, she’s poor, or that she needs him. She pays for dinner to show him that she can stand on her own and that she can help out in the relationship. Financially if the need arises.  Which is cool. Some guys appreciate this, others don’t. Those that don’t appreciate it don’t care how much money a girl has or makes.  They will pay for dinner. So the question is not who should pay on a date. The question is. What kind of man pays for dinner?

Dating is the modern test to show whether a man will provide; it’s the best information a girl has got, up-front, that he is or isn’t into her. Studies show that where a man invests his money, he’s investing his heart; and where he’s not, he’s not. When men fall in love, they fall harder and faster than women do. One way they know they’re falling is whether they like paying.

But that way of thinking can get a little confusing. Most African men, regardless of where they are in the world, whether he likes the girl or not, will pay for dinner. To tell you the truth, some guys get offended when a girl offers to pay. Guys feel like the woman is undermining his manhood when she pays.  So since people are different, it’s best to date those that understand your way of thinking.

I have a couple of girlfriends and some gay friends.  When we go out, we split the bill or I pay. But when I’m out with a guy on a date I never pay. Actually, I have never payed. The guys I have been on dates with in the past never allowed me to pay.  I do however carry my card in case something comes up but I don’t pay for dinner. The reason is, as corny as it sounds, paying for dinner shows that he can look after me.  And whether a man can say it a hundred times, it makes more sense when he shows it. In the smallest gesture like, it’s cool. I’ll pay.  Whether it’s a R50.00 Burger or an R250.00 Dinner.

Who should pay for dinner

SideNote: If I’m asked to pay for dinner. I will, and I won’t do it grudgingly. I will probably just never see that guy again. #Real Talk

Then there are men that take advantage of women that pay and want a free ride. These guy won’t mind if you pay for dinner the first night. I bet he won’t have an issue if you pay for dinner the second and the third night and forever after that. The problem with these kind of guys is that you will end up paying for everything. To the extent of you paying for your own lobola!! Oh yes… these things happen. If you are the kind of girl that minds paying her own lobola, paying for dinner is where it starts.  ‘

But relationships are a give and take. If you think he needs help with the dinner after he’s become your boyfriend, then by all means. Relationships are individuals that come together and become partners. I got your back and you got mine. Whether it is in finances or emotions.

Now to conclude this:

An intelligent man recognizes that paying isn’t quite fair, but a man who cares pays. He admits to coughing up the cash so as not to ruin a good time. That just confirms that an interested man will pay. When he puts his card down, he says: “I am willing to submit to this outmoded, sexist gesture just to make our date go well, because you’re pretty interesting. And I want to see you again.” Not because she does or doesn’t have money. But because paying for dinner is what Men do. He is trying to show her he can make her happy. To others it it’s outmoded. It’s sexist. But to others it’s the way of life. But it’s pragmatic.

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